The TRUE origin of The Illuminati, or The Three Little Pigs, The Palmistry Connection. Not Wikipedia.

To devotees of conspiracy theories there is none that is more redolent of evil than the stories of The Illuminati. What we are talking about here is an organisation that is said to be all pervasive among the higher echelons of society on this planet, a society of singularly sinister intent which exists solely in order to keep the rest of us in our place and to suborndinate all our efforts in everything to advance their own nefarious goals. There are some among you who doubt that such a grouping really exists. Well I am here to tell you that it does, and to tell you the true story of it's origin. Of course there is a Palmistry connection as well.
Several centuries ago in Ireland there lived Three Little Pigs. They were as attractive and clever a group of the porcine fraternity that you could ever hope to meet. Not exactly Paris Hilton, But handsome nevertheless. They skipped and laughed among the heather from one long day to another, and life was just one great joy. Now this is a curious thing, among the pigs of the Emerald Isle there had long been a tradition of Pig Palmistry. They read the grooves on the base of the trotters like a human Palmistry Consultant would the lines on the palm. If you dont live in Ireland do not expect to see pigs doing this. It is a talent that is peculiar to the Irish pig, and it has never been exported.
Anyway, to return to our history, the third Little Pig had a reading from one of the foremost Pig Palmistry Consultants around at the time, and he was told that he had a very practical nature and a talent for architecture, which he was advised to pursue.
Now the Three Little Pigs decided to build three little houses. This much we all know, as it is in all the history books. Pig number one built a house of straw. Number two built one of sticks; but the Third Little Pig, who had by this stage attained a degree in architecture, built a really impressive mansion of bricks.
Enter the villian.
There came to the district where the Little Pigs lived a most ferocious and malevalent wolf. I'm not saying he was English, but he had an accent that was remeniscent of the late Leo Mc Kern, and he looked a bit like him as well. Now this wolf as well as being fierce was a serious glutton, with an almost insatiable taste for pork. When he got the scent of the Three Pigs he thought that all his Christmases had come at once. I wont bore you with the details of how he Huffed and he Puffed and he blew down the first two houses and devoured the occupants. But when he got to the house made of bricks it was a different story. No matter how much he Huffed, and no matter how much he Puffed he could make no impression on the house of brick. We are told that eventually he resorted to climbing down the chimney. The clever Little Pig had put a huge pot of boiling water on the fire, and the wolf met a horrible, but deserved death. When the pathologist was performing the autopsy on the corpse of the wolf he discovered that the other two pigs were still alive inside him. This would have been the end of the story, with the Three little Pigs living happily ever after, but things took a sinister turn the following week. The third Little Pig, who really was too clever by half, convened a meeting of the family. He proposed that they should found a secret society to advance the welfare of their porcine decendants, and to continue it along their posterity where it exists to the present day. They called the society The Illuminati in honour of the great light which was lit in the fireplace the night the wolf was killed.
These are some of the great secrets that I have to reveal to you. When I sit at my computer Practising Online Palmistry for the nations at
http://chrishandreading.yolasite.com/
I am sometimes reminded about the burden of secret knowledge that I bear.
Next time you eat a sausage, or a slice of bacon, hope it is not from a member of The Illuminati, or one of the brethern might be coming to get you.
Dont have nightmares.
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